My New Best Friend

  

    It was a crappy day, I mean the worst day ever. There is no way I can describe to you the level of effed up this day was and you know me, I only curse when absolutely necessary. Let’s see, first the hot water got cut off in the middle of my morning shower. I had just fully lathered up my shampoo when icicles began to hit me in the back. I tried to duck, run, I don’t know something and I slipped. I tried to grab onto the shower curtain for support, but it ripped right out of the hooks and I fell hard, hitting my face on the faucet on my way down. So, I had only been awake for about ten minutes and there I was, laying naked with freezing cold water pounding on me, shampoo and blood in my eyes and a blinding pain in my head. You’d think this would have been enough bad luck for one day, but that was not the case.

    
    When I got to work my boss reamed me for almost an hour, for missing a deadline that I really had no knowledge of and I swear she made up just to have an excuse to make my life hell. Then for the remainder of the morning she took every opportunity possible to shoot me her best dirty looks.  She’d done this type of thing several times over the past few months and all I could do was wonder why today out of all days did she feel the need to do so again? Not long after my hour long butt chewing my ex decided to go bipolar and harass me via his new smart phone.
   
    When I took my twenty minute lunch hour to grab a bite to eat, my bank card was declined for $7.50.  Really $7.50? I know I am bad at managing money, but I am sure I’d know if I had less than $8.00 to my name, so I called the bank and learned that my account had been hacked.  What next? I wondered as I walked back to my office hungry and broke with my head still pounding and totally pissed off.  The second half of my work day consisted of more dirty looks and phone abuse. A few hours later when my work day was finally done, I left the office only to find my car being towed. I tried to reason with the tow truck driver. I begged him not to take it. I stomped my feet and everything and when I did I broke the heal off one of my boots and they were not cheap! Breaking my boot was the tip of the camel, no..  the final iceberg, the straw that broke my back! What the heck ever! In one pocket was my phone that was buzzing non stop. In the other was the loose change that the tow truck guy let me collect out of my center console, which was probably only about fifteen dollars, but weighed like a thousand. I was standing there in the rain soaking wet on one intact heel with mascara running down my face, a black eye and pounding head. I needed booze in a very bad way.

     I started to walk. I passed the salad and pizza joint where I had bought my lunch almost every day for the past three years and took a mental note not to ever go in there again after the embarrassment I had suffered earlier in the day.  As I limped, I passed a few department stores and various eateries, then finally, a bar! I thought I was going to have to hobble on one heal for miles before I found one. As it turns out, Wet Willies is just a few blocks from my office.  I wondered why I hadn’t ever heard of it before, but in that moment I wasn’t gonna dwell on it. Like I said, I needed booze and fast.

I pushed the door open a little harder than necessary and headed straight for the bar, sat in the nearest stool and motioned for the bar tender.

“What can I get ya gorgeous?”  He asked.

“A shot of rum with a rum and coke to chase it please.” I mumbled as I was thinking, Gorgeous? Really? What is he on?

“Bad day I take it.”

“Let me just say that there is no possible way it could be any worse.”

“I’ll pour ya an extra shot, don’t you worry, it’s on me.”

“Thanks.”

As the bartender walked away to get my drinks I wondered why was he so shiny? The thought quickly left my mind when the stabbing pain in my head returned. It had been coming and going all day as if there was a tiny man inside my head trying to drill his way out through my left eye and of course, he had to take breaks just long enough to tease me.

I decided to try and ignore it for the twenty-ninth time that day and bend down to get a good look at the damage I’d done to my boot.  I broke the heel off the other boot and just as I was sitting back up, someone sat next to me.

“Pssstt, Hank, iz dat you?” It Slurred and in that moment I realized that the smell of alcohol that lingered in the air was not coming from the bar itself, it was coming from this guy, woman, I don’t‘ even know the correct term.

 By then my drinks were in front of me, so I took my first shot and stared in complete bewilderment and before I could even reply I heard,

“ Wow, that sure is a nice wig Hank. A little wet though.”

Seriously? Did this person really think that I was Hank with a wig?  The worst day ever had just officially gotten worse.

“You must be using that new cream that Mona recommended. Your skin looks amazing.”  He said and followed with a belch.

“Excuse me, but my name is not Hank and I don’t know anyone named Mona.” I say in my snottiest tone. Then I take my other shot.

“Oh ya, Ooops sorry, I mean, Harriett.  How do you like my dress? Does it look like a good fit? The cotton feels so good next to my skin and the lace on my panties, one word, heavenly”

Then for the first time since I walked into the bar, I took a moment to look around at my surroundings. To my left are several men and women all dressed in leather dancing together on a small stage. As I scope the room further I see same sex couples enjoying each others company, some a little too much and my shiny bartender, well he wasn’t shiny at all. He was sparkly. Every inch of his exposed skin was covered in body glitter. I wasn’t even gonna entertain the part of my curiosity that wondered what was going on under what little clothes he was wearing. Was this really happening? The discovery of a bar within walking distance of my office, the one tiny light that came out of the whole day, my new favorite place was a gay bar? My day had just officially gotten even worse than worse.
At that point I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I just took a huge gulp of my rum and Coke, asked the shiny bartender for another shot and played along.

“Yes the fit is perfect.” I say  “Where did you find such a lovely dress?”  This poor man, his dress looked like a curtain in my grandmothers house and his boobs were almost up to his neck and lopsided. It could have  been due to the fact that he was leaning so far to one side that he could barely sit on his stool, but I was not gonna do the research.

“I have to tell you the truth, ever since the first time I put on my wife’s bra I have been completely happy. I sometimes wear her underwear underneath my slacks to work and I feel so, so I don’t know, alive. I know my confidence has boosted. You know that  promotion and raise I got last month? Well I owe it all to my wife’s purple lace thong.”

“Aren’t you worried that the wifey will notice that you’re wearing her undies?” I asked out of honest curiosity.

“Boy oh boy Ha… ah… Harriet, ya, she almost caught me last week. I forgot it was Friday and she was feeling ya know, frisky?”

There was that pain in my head again, effing little man find your way out already!

“Oh ya, she wanted some Friday night lovin did she?” I say as I motion the glittery man for another shot.

“Ya she’s an animal on Friday nights, but I was able to excuse myself to the john and slip them off before she noticed. She’s an animal my wife, sometimes I don’t even know what hits me and on Friday nights and Sunday mornings, she has her way with me before I even know what’s going on. She can’t get enough of me. Poor thing, she gets so wore out that she has headaches for the rest of the week.”

“ So friend. what are you calling yourself these days and what are you drinking tonight?” I ask in a giggle.

“Gutter ball just like always, …it’s what we always drink.” He looked at me with a very confused expression and blurts,  “Wait. You‘re not Hank at all! Who are you and why are you pretending to be my buddy Hank?”

Then, at that very moment I heard something that cleared my head and made me feel as if the sun was shining down directly on me. An all too familiar voice yelled, “Albert! I knew I’d find you in here!”
 My boss came storming toward us and grabbed my new best friend by the ear and she was livid. I heard an all to familiar tone in her voice when she screeched, “I told you last week that you better not ever step foot into this place again! Get your bag, I am taking you home!”

Then boss-lady and I made eye contact and I smiled beautifully at her. I kept smiling big and bright as the look on her face changed from anger to pure embarrassment. The little man in my head flew out through my ear, I decided that my $250 boots looked much better without the heels and  I joined the folks in leather on stage and danced my troubles away, but not before I heard boss-lady ask Alberta, “Why are you wearing my mothers nightgown!?”

There's Always Tomorrow: "The Wedding Ring"

　

Today was going to be a day of purging. Cleaning out closets and cupboards. Letting go of old hurts and needless things. A day that was long over due. She’d had three cups of her favorite coffee and was on a great roll. Just when she was satisfied with the pile of relics that would be donated to Good Will she decided to keep the momentum going and do some dusting. With a fresh towel and a can of Lemon Pledge she started in her bedroom. Her headboard, and entertainment center were spotless. She took great care in making sure to spray and wipe every inch of the old oak furniture. When she went to do the same to her dresser all progress stopped. For some reason she’ll never know, she opened up her jewelry box and picked up her wedding ring.

She stood there just looking at it. She tried to slip it on, but the extra weight she’d put on since the separation had made it impossible for her to get it passed her knuckle. She remembered the night they upgraded the Diamond in the engagement ring half of the set.

They were at The Mall shopping for odds and ends and when ever they did this they always stopped by their jewelry store, dropped off her ring to be cleaned and picked it up on their way out. On several occasions they would take a moment to “just look“ at bigger diamonds. It was always just for fun. She never really thought she needed one. But on this night, when the sales girl slipped the one karat pear shaped diamond on her finger, she fell in love with it. She looked at Richard and told him so.

“Maybe next time.” he said. “I just don’t think we can afford it right now.”

So they dropped off her ring to be cleaned anyway and went about their shopping tasks. When everything on the list was crossed off they went back to pick up her rings. When the girl handed her the ring it wasn’t hers. The wedding band was, but it wasn’t her quarter karat diamond that she’d worn for the passed eight years. It was the one Karat Pear shaped diamond that she fell in love with several hours earlier. She struggled for a moment. She looked from her husband to the jeweler with pleading eyes.

This is not my ring, She thought. I love this ring, but it’s not mine. What do I do? Should I say something? Should I grab Richards arm and run out of here and deal with it later? Then her conscious got the best of her and she whispered to her husband,

“This is not my ring.”

“Yes it is.” He replied.

“Babe no it’s not. Look!”

“Honey, it’s your ring.” he said with a look on his face that she knew well. He was proud.

She looked at the sales girl who was smiling and nodding her head.

“You did this? How did you do it?”

“Are you happy?” He asked.

“Yes. Very. I love it. I loved my other one too, you didn’t have to do this.”

“Shhh.. It’s already done. Lets go home.”

“I love you so much.” She said as she hugged him and kissed his neck.

“I love you too, more than you’ll ever know.”

She stood there in her lemon scented bedroom sobbing. It was the most romantic thing that he had ever done for her. It was one of the best moments of their marriage. Of her life. She’d never felt more loved. She belonged to him and she loved every bit of it. That was all gone now. Someone else belonged to him and she belonged to no one. She was totally alone.

What should she do with the ring now? Should she sell it? Save it for a rainy day? Give it back to Richard? Today was designated to be a day of getting rid of old hurts. When she really thought about it, her ring wasn’t a hurt. It was a beautiful memory, or maybe it was both at the same time. She decided that she didn’t have to decide right now. She put it back in her jewelry box, closed the lid and told herself to keep on dusting. As for what to do with her ring, well she’d Google the etiquette on that tomorrow.

There's Always Tomorrow: "The Old Coat"

The Old Coat

　

He called in the morning and asked if he could come by the house and pick up a box of his things. Camping gear he'd left behind when he moved out. After hanging up the phone she walked out to the little shed in the back yard to make sure it was where he said it might be. He built the shed the summer after they bought the house. It was the first of many things he’d built in all the years of their marriage. She watched him take measurements and cut wood through the kitchen window. She always loved the way he looked in his tool belt with sweat dripping from his brow. He was her man and she was proud of that. She often bragged to her friends about how he could fix anything. Build anything.... As the years went on she complained that he never painted the little shed like he promised he would. "We'll do it together" he'd say. "It will be fun." Would it have mattered if she never complained? Would they have still drifted apart? Would he still be here?

She struggled with the door a moment too long because her slight frustration with the rusty lock and latch quickly turned into panic. She was anxious about what she was about to do. She knew that once she stepped into the shed a lifetime of wonderful memories and disappointment would consume her. Something she’d been able to block out until this very moment. When she stepped inside the first thing she saw was the large green Rubbermaid tote with “Hunting and Camping stuff” written on the side with Sharpie. She traced the words with her fingers. A lump built up in her throat as she remembered how she used to tease him for his poor penmanship. Then a slight giggle to herself because he knew it was true and never objected to being harassed for it.

She opened the tote and his old green coat was on top. It had blood stains and some of the seems were coming undone. There were several large pockets down the front and a grey patch on one of sleeves that she had sewed on for him many years ago. The coat used to hang in their hall closet. She hated it then. She told him it smelled bad and was probably crawling with germs. She asked him several times to just throw it away and get a new one, but he wouldn’t hear of it. It was his grandfathers coat, then his fathers. It had been in his family for over fifty years, “It was lucky!” He’d say. “If you wash it or have it cleaned, you’ll wash the luck away.” He shot his first buck while wearing that coat, a ten point. It was one of the proudest moments of his life. He shot many other deer while wearing it and by the looks of the tattered heirloom, it was obvious. Three winters back when Richard returned from one of his trips he didn’t unpack the coat, it stayed in the shed with all of his other gear. She remembered that day perfectly. She felt both guilt and satisfaction at the same time. It was one of those moments that she wished she could go back and change. Tears filled her eyes as she picked up the coat and smelled it. It wasn’t offensive like she expected. Like she remembered, so she breathed in deeper. The coat smelled of aftershave and earth, it smelled like her husband. Rain and sweat, campfire and strength. Everything that made Richard the man she loved. Her mind jumped from memories of camping with him to deer hunting trips without her. All the passion when they fought and then made love. All the moments she wished she could go back and change and the ones she just wanted to go back and relive. To remember. To feel.

She knew sooner or later she was going to have to accept the fact that she had to let him go. She hurt him and he was happy now. Happier then she’d seen him in a long time. Possibly ever. She’d been successfully avoiding him for months now. Afraid that if she looked into his eyes she’d fall apart, so she made sure not to be home when he came by the house to pick up the last of his things.

That night she laid in bed lost in her memories. Smelling her husband and allowing herself to love him for one last night. Just as she turned off the lights she received a text message from Richard,

“Hey my old coat wasn’t in any of the boxes and I need it for next week. Have you seen it anywhere?”

She turned off her phone and told herself she would call him tomorrow and tell him she had the coat, but tonight she wanted it to stay where it was. Wrapped around her.

Literally Lifesavers

Here is a short story I wrote a few years ago for an online magazine called, Braingunk. The only rule was that it had to be exactly 500 words. That is a lot more tricky than it sounds. It's the first thing I had published. Some of you may have already read it, but for those of you who haven't, Enjoy!
                                                         
                                                         Literally Lifesavers


 Today was one year to the day since Private C. Johnston received his High school diploma. A short time later, he kissed his mother and sisters goodbye and shipped out for Vietnam. Today he was in a small village just off the Moi River; a location he had been in several times in the past few months. Most villages gave Casey an uneasy feeling, it weighed heavy on him not knowing who the enemy was. It could be an 11-year-old boy with kind eyes and a sad smile. However, in this particular village he knew he had at least one friend. She was a 15-year-old girl named Phuong, and whenever his eyes met hers, Casey was overcome with emotion. He instantly felt very protective over her and wished there were no language barrier between them.

“I am so sick of this heat!” Complained Casey, as he filled his cheek with Gold-Bears. The guys in his unit spent their extra money on tobacco, and often busted Casey’s chops over his love of candy.

Every time Casey saw Phuong he shared his candy with her, Lifesavers were her favorite, so he purposely stopped eating his stash of them in order to make sure he had some on hand should they meet again.

As Casey shoved his bag of candy into his pocket he saw Phuong out of the corner of his eye. She looked incredibly sweet even with her torn dress and dirty bare feet. As she approached him, she smiled and he was glad that nobody else was aware of the fact that it was her smile that helped him go on everyday.

“Get over here” Staff Sergeant K. Scott muttered. Casey then diverted his gaze from Phuong and headed into Sergeant Scott’s direction. He was standing about ten feet away in the doorway of hooch. When Casey approached him, what he saw made is stomach drop and he was glad that all he had eaten today were a few Gold Bears.
Private J. Bonner was laying on the dirt floor in a pool of blood while a group of NVA regulars stood around him with U.S. Marine issued M-16 rifles. In such a case, there is only one thing to be done. Remain calm.
Casey cautiously walked toward his wounded brother in arms and knelt beside him. “Click” “slide” “click” The sound of a round loading into the chamber of a gun echoed in Casey’s ears. He could feel the hard cool steel pressed up against the back of his head just below his helmet. Then in the same instant the voice of an angel filled the room and his heart. Phuong was yelling, pleading and crying. She grabbed the arm that held the Colt M-16 and removed it from Casey’s head.
Relief filled the small room as the other NVA’s lowered their weapons. Phuong’s tear filled eyes met Casey’s as he scooped up his wounded comrade and walked out of the hooch with both of their lives.


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