There's Always Tomorrow: "The Old Coat"

The Old Coat

　

He called in the morning and asked if he could come by the house and pick up a box of his things. Camping gear he'd left behind when he moved out. After hanging up the phone she walked out to the little shed in the back yard to make sure it was where he said it might be. He built the shed the summer after they bought the house. It was the first of many things he’d built in all the years of their marriage. She watched him take measurements and cut wood through the kitchen window. She always loved the way he looked in his tool belt with sweat dripping from his brow. He was her man and she was proud of that. She often bragged to her friends about how he could fix anything. Build anything.... As the years went on she complained that he never painted the little shed like he promised he would. "We'll do it together" he'd say. "It will be fun." Would it have mattered if she never complained? Would they have still drifted apart? Would he still be here?

She struggled with the door a moment too long because her slight frustration with the rusty lock and latch quickly turned into panic. She was anxious about what she was about to do. She knew that once she stepped into the shed a lifetime of wonderful memories and disappointment would consume her. Something she’d been able to block out until this very moment. When she stepped inside the first thing she saw was the large green Rubbermaid tote with “Hunting and Camping stuff” written on the side with Sharpie. She traced the words with her fingers. A lump built up in her throat as she remembered how she used to tease him for his poor penmanship. Then a slight giggle to herself because he knew it was true and never objected to being harassed for it.

She opened the tote and his old green coat was on top. It had blood stains and some of the seems were coming undone. There were several large pockets down the front and a grey patch on one of sleeves that she had sewed on for him many years ago. The coat used to hang in their hall closet. She hated it then. She told him it smelled bad and was probably crawling with germs. She asked him several times to just throw it away and get a new one, but he wouldn’t hear of it. It was his grandfathers coat, then his fathers. It had been in his family for over fifty years, “It was lucky!” He’d say. “If you wash it or have it cleaned, you’ll wash the luck away.” He shot his first buck while wearing that coat, a ten point. It was one of the proudest moments of his life. He shot many other deer while wearing it and by the looks of the tattered heirloom, it was obvious. Three winters back when Richard returned from one of his trips he didn’t unpack the coat, it stayed in the shed with all of his other gear. She remembered that day perfectly. She felt both guilt and satisfaction at the same time. It was one of those moments that she wished she could go back and change. Tears filled her eyes as she picked up the coat and smelled it. It wasn’t offensive like she expected. Like she remembered, so she breathed in deeper. The coat smelled of aftershave and earth, it smelled like her husband. Rain and sweat, campfire and strength. Everything that made Richard the man she loved. Her mind jumped from memories of camping with him to deer hunting trips without her. All the passion when they fought and then made love. All the moments she wished she could go back and change and the ones she just wanted to go back and relive. To remember. To feel.

She knew sooner or later she was going to have to accept the fact that she had to let him go. She hurt him and he was happy now. Happier then she’d seen him in a long time. Possibly ever. She’d been successfully avoiding him for months now. Afraid that if she looked into his eyes she’d fall apart, so she made sure not to be home when he came by the house to pick up the last of his things.

That night she laid in bed lost in her memories. Smelling her husband and allowing herself to love him for one last night. Just as she turned off the lights she received a text message from Richard,

“Hey my old coat wasn’t in any of the boxes and I need it for next week. Have you seen it anywhere?”

She turned off her phone and told herself she would call him tomorrow and tell him she had the coat, but tonight she wanted it to stay where it was. Wrapped around her.