"Why I Bleed Pink" Revised

I originally wrote "Why I Bleed Pink" as a rant. Someone in my family posted as their Facebook status, " I have nothing profound to say, does anybody else?" I then commented, "I Walk for Breast Cancer". Well, that led to a thread of mocking comments directed towards me. Anyway, that's all water under the bridge and to me it didn't devalue my statement and there's nothing that ever will. So, for the friends who have read this rant before and are bored with it, so what, read it again, I have added to it. To those friends who are new and have not read it, I hope you enjoy it. For all of you, please read with an open heart and compassion. You never know, the person bagging your groceries,  serving your dinner or cashing your check at the bank could possibly be fighting the biggest fight of their life for their life.

In July of 2010, I spent some time in a hospital waiting room with truly the most outwardly beautiful woman I have ever met. Her name was Uli and by the end of our candid hour long conversation I was convinced her beauty went bone deep. Uli, a mother of five, was about to begin her third fight with Breast Cancer. One of the questions I asked her was if she was angry. She said: “ Not at all. One in seven women get this disease, so as long as I concentrate on the odds I can take comfort in the fact that maybe by me getting it three times, I have some how prevented two other women from such a fate. Besides I have already beat it twice, so there are no surprises for me and I would much rather fight it myself than watch someone I love go through it.” 

Without knowing it Uli made an impact on my life that day. My heart was deeply touched by her words. I developed a deeper respect and admiration for another woman than I have ever felt in my entire life and she was a total stranger. But that was double edged because my heart was also completely broken. Uli had given birth to and was raising five sons. A truly miraculous feat and that alone should have made me admire her. Her strength was clearly evident in her poignant words and I told her so. She said Cancer was the absolute worst thing in her life and even though she was stronger for it, she did not want to be remembered for it. However, I sit remembering beautiful Uli with breast Cancer anyway. Uli should be in my memory simply as a beautiful and strong woman, without Breast Cancer attached to it. No women should be remembered for the worst challenge of her life. Every woman who is a mother, sister, daughter or friend will do unnoticed amazing things everyday.

From this I learned to recognize all of the ordinary and amazing things people accomplish everyday and appreciate them for it. I also made up my mind that I was going to honor Uli for helping me realize this before it was too late. Most likely the time has already past to find a cure for our generation but for the next we may be just in time.

I will walk for my daughters and every other pre-pubescent girl who has no idea of the challenges she will face as a woman. I will donate my time and money to find a cure to eliminate a disease that affects, demoralizes and destroys so many families. I will spread the word until I am sure I have been heard and I will do it all with pride.

I decided to share this with you today because I have been asked by several of my friends why I keep making so many Breast Cancer posts and why is it so important to me. Also, because I was mocked the other day for saying “I walk for Breast Cancer is a profound statement“. It may not be an intellectual or deep statement to anybody else but it is to me. Because, it would be stupid of me to not support something that has touched me so deeply.

In the two plus years since I first wrote this, I have come to bleed other colors too. Lime Green for Lymphoma, Black for Melanoma, Periwinkle Blue for Esophageal & Stomach Cancer, Gold for Childhood Cancer, Clear for Lung Cancer and so on. 

It's my heart that does the bleeding. The term " bleeding heart" has always been so disparaging, but I don't really care. Because, to me all it means is that I care deeply and have great compassion for those who are fighting this disease. In my life I have been incredibly touched by Cancer. It has taken the lives of several people who I have loved very much and it has taken lives from people that I love very much. Cancer currently threatens the lives of several people who I hold very close to my heart and can not imagine my life without. Even still, when I look at these people, Cancer is not what I see. I see their hearts and their love for me. I see their sense of humor and how they can still make me laugh even though life is kicking the crap out of them. I see strength, determination and will that I admire and am in awe of.

My Dad, a.k.a. Papa, had Esophageal Cancer. Yes, I said “Had’ he fought like Hell and beat it! But when he was sick he had to be on a feeding tube and needed twenty-four hour care. One afternoon he said something to me that, until the day I die, I will never forget. 

He said, “Corky Grace, Ya know, I've been thinking. I am deaf. I can’t use my legs. I can’t eat real food and I have a little bit of Cancer, but there is nothing wrong with me. I could really be a lot worse off “  My Pop is an amazingly tough man. 

Last winter I had my own Cancer scare and I am still at risk and always will be. To be bluntly honest, we all are. So if you feel like rolling your eyes when I say I bleed Pink or Lime green, then go ahead, because I will bleed anyway and I will keep bleeding until, God willing, Doctors, Scientists and Researchers find a cure.

Sadly my pops Cancer came back and he wasn't so lucky this time. We lost him on October 1st, 2016. The last words he said to me were, "Be a good girl blondie , but only if that means you can still be you." 

I'll never stop Pop, R.I.P.

Thanks for taking the time to read this it means a lot. 

Love Gracie, your Snarky pen pal